School Daze
by LastTrojanNight
Summary: Kadaj really, really doesn't want to go to school. He's too cool for that. He should be killing people and taking over the planet instead. But what will happen when Sephiroth makes him go anyway, creating one very pissed off remnant?
1. Chapter 1

Premise: After being rematerialized via inexplicable means, (i.e. I just want to get to the story and I'm too lazy to think anything up), Sephiroth, Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz move to the suburbs, where they attempt to live normal, respectable lives…but fail miserably. Kadaj is sent to school against his will (snicker snicker) and disaster inevitably ensues.

Warnings: AU, OOC (maybe, just said that so no one would kill me), Seph-Remnant cuteness, questionable references to the Chocobo icon…basically everything you ever wished you never knew about! But don't let that stop you from reading! –dangles very sexy Kadaj under your nose-

Disclaimer: Oh gosh! Didn't you hear that I brought Square Enix AND Tetsuya Nomura (with the cute little earring included)! You didn't hear?? Damn…I guess you can think what you want. Humph!

………………..

School Daze

"But I don't want to go to school!" Kadaj screamed at the impassive man before him.

"Under standard government regulations, a child-"

Kadaj twitched.

"-of your age should be attending some sort of structured educational institution or will be considered truant." Sephiroth tapped the desk which he sat so majestically behind, with the tip of his eight hundred gil pen.

"I never had to go before!" Kadaj slammed his delicate fist on the top of the deep red-brown mahogany desk.

"That's because you were the make-shift leader a biker gang, intent on destroying the world. That gives you implied exemption." Sephiroth stated calmly.

"Well why don't you exempt me again?!" Kadaj pressed his point ignoring the stress on the word 'make-shift'.

"Because, since my reunion failed," He lingered pointedly. "I'm not as all-powerful as I once was."

"It wasn't your figgin' reunion, it was mother's!" Kadaj slammed the desk with an enthusiastic kick, fighting back the inclination to sob. "And it was _your_ fault that it didn't work out, not mine! **You** let the pansy blond kill both of us!"

"Yes…but **I** wasn't the one falling into his arms and _crying_." Sephiroth growled. "That was an embarrassment to both of us."

"I didn't…didn't…gah!" Kadaj vented his frustrations on the innocent desk, making it quiver and creak in fear and agony.

Yazoo sauntered passed, his hair swaying slightly, giving that calm blissful expression and a half smile emphasizing that he was actually the one to make out best in battle with said hated blond.

"Weren't you two talking about Kadaj's school?" He commented in monotone.

"Yes, but before we go back to that… Kadaj, this desk was very expensive." Sephiroth pointed to the abused furniture.

"If you can afford such a fancy desk, not to mention _pens_, why can't you afford to get me out of school?" Kadaj glared but let the desk rest for a while.

"It's not a question of money. I can afford to send you to the most expensive private institution available but we are trying to avoid legal entanglements right now, remember? The whole point of this endeavor is to lay low and not draw _attention_ to ourselves." The long, long haired man explained.

"Private school?! Aren't those the ones where they make you dress like a girl?!" Kadaj's cat pupils dilated.

"They have separate uniforms for boys and girls." Sephiroth looked at him quizzically, wondering where Kadaj was getting his information and if he had been listening to Loz again.

"They claim they're different but they don't let you wear any leather!" Bright turquoise eyes widened at the horror of the thought.

"You may attend a poorly regulated public school if you wish." Sephiroth offered.

Kadaj glared at the older man. Sephiroth thought he was going to give in without a fight! He was not going to _any_ school, damnit!

"Hey, Kadaj," Loz had walked in behind Yazoo and was watching the fight somewhat nervously.

"What?!" Kadaj whipped around, hair flying.

"Um, you'll tell me if you meet any pretty girls, right?"

"Loz," Yazoo scolded. "You're too old to be thinking about high school girls."

Loz hung his head. "But they're easier to talk to." He mumbled.

"Well, there now, Kadaj." Yazoo smiled sarcastically. "Your new goal in going to school, is to find a nice girl for Loz."

"Yes brother. And I'll find a _boyfriend_ for you as well!" Kadaj lashed out. "I am not going to school! So you all can just forget about it!" He huffed and stomped out of the room.

"All right, the show is over with all of the expected fireworks. Leave and let me work now." Sephiroth shooed out the two remaining remnants who were sprawled on his comfy leather sofa.

"So how are you going to get him to go, now?" Loz asked in his usual steady voice, prying himself off the enticing couch.

"We'll see." Sephiroth answer enigmatically as Kadaj's 'angry music' began blasting down from his room. "Close the door on your way out."

"Good luck, Nii-san." Yazoo smirked and shut the door.

Ah yes, there was a reason he had this room sound proofed.

-

Kadaj snuggled down under the clovers and curled around his pillow like a cat. He had woken up a little early for some reason and the soft morning light was just starting to seep through his windows. The warmth and coziness surrounding him was intoxicating and he wanted nothing more than to lay here and enjoy this, probably dozing off again and sleeping undisturbed until at least noon.

It was in this happy contented state that Kadaj heard a single violent thud on his door. He had suspicions as to its nature and pulled the blankets over every trace of his silver hair, hoping that if perhaps he waited and ignored it, it would just go away.

No such luck. The door then swung open without ceremony, causing the poster thereon to flap wildly, and _someone_ who rustled of leather when he walked entered the room.

"Kadaj, its morning." A very deep, calm voice.

"Since when do I care?" A muffled, angry, pissy, annoyed voice.

"Since you became a sophomore at Midgar High." Sephiroth's smile sounded in his words.

"I told you I'm not going!" Kadaj's face appeared from under the blankets as he whipped a plushy Chocobo at the older man's head with unfaltering precision. It bounced off Sephiroth's forehead harmlessly.

"I see, you fight with stuffed animals. So that's why it took you so long to find mother…"

"Up yours!" Kadaj felt around his bed for something heavier to throw.

"All right." The long haired man placed the stuffed Chocobo back on Kadaj's bed. "I just thought you might be interested to know that Yazoo is making breakfast this morning." He began sauntering carelessly toward the door.

"Wha?" Kadaj perked up in spite of himself as a combination of the most heavenly scents he could imagine, wafted to his nose.

"I was going to save you some but if you're not getting up anyway I can just tell Loz to have what he wants…"

"Don't you _dare_!" All at once Kadaj was fully awake and jumped out of bed. "But this doesn't mean that I'm going anywhere afterwards!" The silver haired truant yelled back as he ran downstairs in just his baby blue pajama bottoms with the golden Chocobos on them.

"Of course not." Sephiroth smiled to himself.

-

Kadaj ran into the kitchen, happy to see that he was early and Loz wasn't there yet.

"Morning, Sunshine!" Yazoo smiled as he entered, still tending a frying pan on the stove.

Kadaj gave him his best Death Glare but Yazoo, as always, seemed completely un-phased by it. He could do almost anything to anybody when he was cooking like this and he knew it.

Kadaj slumped into a chair at the kitchen table, tapping his fingers and waiting impatiently. He screwed his eyes shut at the irritating rays of light beaming into the almost cheery kitchen and grimaced at the thought of how much sleep he was being deprived of. It was then that the myriad of delicious smells hit him again and with a vengeance. Maybe it was better to be awake?

Yazoo stirred a pot of Yazoo's Magic Blueberry Sauce with one hand while turning sausages with the other and carefully timing the waffles cooking.

"Isn't it done yet?!" Kadaj growled. He was trying not to sound too anxious but he didn't like the noises his stomach was making.

"In a minute, Sugar." Yazoo was wearing that smug little half smirk of his.

Kadaj snarled and kicked the table leg. If he didn't know that the health of his breakfast was directly dependant on Yazoo's careful attendance, he would not be taking this so calmly. He _hated_ those nicknames. Yazoo _knew_ he hated those nicknames.

From the corner of his eye, Kadaj saw Loz entering the kitchen yawning. The muscular man instantly perked up and sniffed.

"Yazoo, you're cooking?" Loz was in a state somewhere between delight and confusion.

"Nnn-hhhn." Was all the response he was graced with.

"Why are you being nice all of a sudden?" Loz wondered.

"I have my reasons…" Yazoo added a couple of magical ingredients to his sauce.

Loz sat down at the table across from Kadaj, leather creaking as he moved. "Mm, I'm so hungry."

This time Yazoo spared him a glace. "Well don't expect to get it all. This morning you have to save some for Dajy."

Kadaj was just considering where he could stab Yazoo with his fork, to cause the most pain but still leave him well enough to finish breakfast, when his long haired brother set down a plate in front of him filled with the perfectly golden waffles and the sausage which everyone knew was his favorite.

Kadaj merely glared and began lightly applying Yazoo's Magic Blueberry Sauce, syrup and powdered sugar.

"No need to thank me." Yazoo sauntered away.

Kadaj ignored him and busied himself with the glorified culinary perfection before him. Orange juice and stale Top-tarts really did not compare to this.

"Now do I get some?" Loz asked impatiently, casting longing looks at Kadaj's plate.

"No."

Yazoo went to look in Sephiroth's office which hadn't been bolted yet for the day. He knocked on the door frame. "Nii-san, do you want any breakfast?"

"No." Sephiroth glanced to the door and shook his head. "I'm leaving in a couple of minutes for a business meeting."

"Alright." Yazoo returned to the kitchen.

"Now, do I get breakfast?" Asked the eternally hopeful.

"No."

"You're so mean…" The older sulked.

"Yazoo just has PMS, right brother?" Kadaj smiled sweetly to the longer haired remnant, blueberries darkening his lips.

Yazoo seemed as though he hadn't heard and began setting aside his own food. Only then did he finally dish up what was left for Loz. It proved to be a sufficient amount (of course he had calculated) and set it down in front of his impatient brother and waited.

"Thanks, Yazoo." Loz was appreciative.

Satisfied, the long haired remnant went to collect his food. "See Kadaj, Loz has manners." He commented.

Kadaj licked some syrup off his fork.

A few minutes later Sephiroth entered with an elegant black leather briefcase. "Hmm, Yazoo, be sure that Kadaj has enough to eat and gets to school on time and then…"

"I said I wasn't going!" Kadaj got up from his just finished breakfast, kicking the chair away.

"But I've already packed a lunch for you, brother." Yazoo offered.

Kadaj was somewhat curious to know what it was but having just eaten, was still strong. "I don't care." He stated indifferently.

"Oh well, then." Sephiroth brushed a stray hair away from his face. "Then you'll have nothing better to do then help Loz with the gardening."

"Wha?" Kadaj froze.

Loz hit his head on the table.

"Yes, a flower garden. You'll notice that most families in this area don't keep rotting foliage in their yards and if I am required to invite clients over for dinner at some point, it may disturb them."

"I can't stand gardening! You know that!"

"School then?"

"I hate you…" Kadaj muttered defiantly, but his shoulders visibly sagged, hinting at the break in his resistance.

"You'll thank me when you're older."

Kadaj merely glared and bolted up the stairs. The collected adult waited, listening to the quick footsteps on the floor upstairs and glancing at his watch. "Kadaj, are you coming back down?!"

Moments later the silvery haired youth appeared clutching Souba in his hand.

"Violence won't solve this, Kadaj." Sephiroth admonished calmly. "You know you can't beat me anyway."

"It's not for _you_." Kadaj snarled, his hair falling in his face. "If I'm going to school I'll need this to…"

Sephiroth swiped the weapon away before the disgruntled teen could do very much more than blink. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times; you are not to kill anyone outside of this house."

"But I need that! How I'm I supposed to defend myself?!" Kadaj gestured wildly, throwing his hair with his animated movements.

"It's only a high school, Kadaj. I'm sure you can handle any sorts of threats you might find _there_."

"Yeah Kadaj, you can beat 'em up!" Loz encouraged him.

"If I get killed it will be your fault!" The would-be truant yelled at Sephiroth, uselessly snatching at his beloved double bladed katana.

Yazoo retrieved a backpack from the corner countertop and shoved it into Kadaj's arms. "Here, I've made a very special lunch. And I've bought some notebooks and pens for you write with when you're bored. And I put some new songs on your iPod that you can listen to in class as long as you keep your hair over your ears." Yazoo almost smiled comfortingly.

Kadaj was surprised by his brother's apparent tries to make him happier but didn't let it show. He shouldered the light pack with a deep scowl and stomped out of the room.

"Kadaj, don't you want me to drive you?" Sephiroth questioned.

"I'm walking!" The un-truant yelled back and slammed the front door.

"What a handful." Sephiroth sighed. "I miss the days when all I had to do, was tell him to murder and destroy the earth. That wasn't nearly so hard." He checked the papers in his briefcase one last time and waving to the last two remnants, headed out the door.

"Have a nice day, Nii-san!"

"Bye-bye, Nii-san!"

"I hope Kadaj will be okay." Loz looked saddened, remembering his brother's hysterical protests.

"Of course." Yazoo began piling the dishes in the sink. "What could happen to him in an innocent little high school?"

…………………………

Are you suspensed yet? No? -sobs heart out- Maybe it was little cute, yeah?

Hope you had fun!!


	2. Chapter 2

Eek! This one contains some angst and what you might call a dark theme… I'm sorry, I know the first chapter didn't seem like there would be anything remotely serious in it, but the cannibalistic plot bunnies threatened me with a gruesome death unless I wrote it. I myself thought this was just going to be a worthless comedy! (okay maybe I still got the worthless part). But anyway I tried to make up for it by adding extra sweetness at the end;D

Disclaimer: I'm gathering my board of advisors to restructure the promotional department of Square Enix. Tetsuya Nomura brings me tea and crumpets every day. …if anyone believes that it is sooo not my fault.

…………………………

Runaway

Kadaj trudged home with his head hanging. He didn't remember ever feeling so exhausted in his life. Not even fighting with his blond brother had made him feel this tired. The only thing that kept him from breaking down right here on the sidewalk was the thoughts of what he would do to his sadistic Nii-san for forcing him to go through all this torture. Maybe if Sephiroth had to suffer for it too he wouldn't feel quite so bad. And Sephiroth deserved to suffer horribly.

Kadaj felt his eyes narrowing in anger and his fists clenched on the straps of his backpack, which were digging into his slender shoulders. Not only did he have to carry what he came with but now there was an extra ton of paper weighting him down. It was something called homework and it completely astonished him. Kadaj had thought that his Nii-san meant to let him be tortured throughout the whole day, but to his absolute horror, the people at the school expected him to act out some sort of masochism and torment himself through his free time as well. It was infuriating! They wanted to take over his life and he wasn't going to let it happen! Kadaj shook his head in determination. But it wasn't really the homework that was the worst part (he didn't even intend to do that), it was everything else that went on there.

The silver hair boy let out a deep breath. It was strange; even though he was tried right now, he didn't really feel like being angry with his brothers. He didn't even want to make Nii-san suffer as much as he thought he had. Kadaj found himself wondering if maybe Yazoo was still feeling as thoughtful as he had been when the teen had left for school. It would almost be nice to tell him about it and have his brother just…listen.

Kadaj shook his head. He didn't know why he was feeling like this all of a sudden. The boy's lip curled up in disgust. It was almost, sentimental.

He tried not to let this take over him and remind himself that he was still the skilled, ruthless, independent warrior he always was, even if he didn't exactly look the part…

But Kadaj just couldn't help the feeling of changing, everything was different now. They weren't on a constant hunt for mother; they weren't under so much strain, so much pressure. Now they were just living. And it was strange.

They had kept the same order of leadership in the family because it made so much sense. Sephiroth was, well, he was the chosen. And Kadaj was still the dominant of the three brothers with his extreme energy and forceful determination. The remnant sighed.

But that just didn't seem to matter any more. With Sephiroth present, the ex-general was completely dwarfing him. All Kadaj had really done in the first place was translate to his brothers what Sephiroth and Mother told him. And now with Nii-san back in his body, there didn't really seem to be any reason to look to Kadaj. The teen often had to fix Loz with a glare to get him to listen, Yazoo was slipping in more sarcastic jabs all the time and when he did obey his little brother there was something that resembled an indulgent smirk on his face. It was terrible, it was bizarre, it was almost like they were treating him like he was…younger.

Worst of all, Kadaj felt himself _becoming_ younger. He had only ever been what he was made. And now he was being made young, probably by Sephiroth. Kadaj scowled at himself, he was starting to act so childish.

Contrary to appearance, Loz was a hugger. This was a fact which Yazoo knew well and detested. Kadaj had also thought himself to find it distasteful. But now as he was being remade, he had actually let the big oaf cuddle him. He cringed at the thought.

He was Kadaj! He was his mother's son! He was as evil as they came! He was not to be cuddled!

But at the time it had been kind of nice, because Loz was so sensitive sometimes and Kadaj knew that his big brother meant to be showing affection. And Kadaj had let him. Oh, how he had fallen…

The conflicted teen sighed when he reached his house; he pushed the front door open and was greeted by the sight of Yazoo tapping away on his laptop over in the far corner. The young remnant all at once remembered how bad and traumatic his day had been and threw his backpack on the floor as hard as he liked (which was quite hard), not paying attention to what sounded like the crunch of electronics.

"Nii-san won't want to buy you another iPod right away if you break that one." Yazoo commented dryly, never ceasing his steady typing.

Immediately Kadaj abandoned the idea for talking over his sorrows to his sarcastic bother and simply kick the backpack again for good measure.

"It _can't_ have been that bad." Yazoo commented not even looking up. _Tap, tap, tap_.

"You have a lot of nerve being so smug about it. You've never even been inside one of those places! They're like some sick maze or a death trap or something!"

"Uh-huh." Yazoo mumbled, his eyes glued to the screen until he turned them laughingly toward his brother. "I see you weren't murdered though, like you were afraid you'd be."

Kadaj was, for maybe the second time in his life, too angry to speak. The only response was the reddening of his face as he brushed past his brother and began banging on Sephiroth's door, pounding and kicking it until the man was forced to respond to him or else let his house be damaged. And of course he wouldn't let his house take abuse. The silver haired man jerked the door open, already irritated and knowing full well what was on the other side.

"I don't want to hear it." He preempted, before Kadaj could lay down a syllable. "I have a lot of work to do right now, so please don't disturb me tonight." He fixed the smaller teen with a stern down-stare.

The teen stuck his foot in the door. An angered Kadaj was only more flamboyant and he was less then impressed by Sephiroth's height or formidable stare. "Good! Then I won't _bother_ you. All you have to hear is that I'm. _Not. Going. Back!_"

"This is not open to discussion."

"Well, I don't plan on discussing it!" Kadaj snapped back.

"This is still my house…"

"Then I'll move out!" Kadaj immediately retorted.

"You have no way to support yourself." Sephiroth tried reasoning.

"I'd rather live on the street then go back there!" Kadaj smacked the wall hard enough to bring a resounding thud and leave a large depression.

"I'll tell you one more time…do _not_ abuse this house." Sephiroth never raised his voice, it only got quieter and quieter as it became more threatening.

"Damn the house! You don't even _care_ what happened, do you?" Kadaj's eyes narrowed and his body twisted, fidgeting. Usually when he was this mad, he would be fighting or doing anything to relieve the tension and this being stationary was getting to him.

"It seems to me, that right now you're merely being hysterical, in order to get out of something yo don't want to do."

"Screw this!" The teen turned on his heal, sliver hair swinging wildly. "Why should I do want you ask me to when you don't even give a damn _what_ happens to me?!"

The extremely pissed Kadaj stormed down the hall, heading straight out the door again.

"Be back in time for dinner!" Yazoo didn't even finish before the door slammed shut.

-

Kadaj couldn't really think that clearly, so he ran. But just running was boring, so whenever he found an interesting building or wall he'd scale or jump it trying to make the exercise a little harder. This was much more interesting then simple running and he wound his way into the city, looking for the best obstacles as they kept rising higher and straighter.

He must have been in pretty good shape because it didn't take long for him to reach the deeper slum areas where the buildings where closer together and more degraded, they were completely un-uniform here and ramshackle.

Kadaj finally slowed down to a walked, seething slightly, but much more relaxed for the exercise. He could reason now, though his thoughts were all unpleasant and it was easier just to try and distract himself with his surroundings, which were all new to him. He had never had any reason to delve into this particular underground before and for a while he could just keep himself from going too deep it to his thoughts.

But soon enough the sights become monotonous and he began to settle into a dejection. He was completely isolated from everything he knew. He'd never been so separated before and it was one of the most confusing and uncomfortable situations he ever been in.

And so he wandered for what most have been hours. Damning the world and glaring at anyone who dared look at him, letting just how mad he was at Sephiroth and Yazoo settle in. And Loz, he was mad at him just because he hadn't taken his side, he hadn't even been there at all and there was nothing worse than being non-confrontational.

He steamed for a few hours more like this, until it was getting quite late. Somehow his mind managed to notice that it was dark out and that brought him to the very poignant fact that he hadn't had eaten in far too many hours, after that running it seemed like even longer.

But he could _not_ go back though. How pathetic would that be, to come crawling home so soon? Maybe if one of his brothers called him first…

Kadaj checked for his cell phone…then he cursed the world again. How was he supposed to go back with any dignity if his brothers couldn't call him to apologize or Nii-san couldn't even call to threaten him into coming back?

He needed a plan. But his planning capacity was hampered by the very pressing need for food. Kadaj decided that he'd just have to find something to eat first and then think of an excellent plan. He reached for the cash he kept on hand… then damned the world all to hell.

How was he supposed to think when he was this hungry? This just emphasized how dependant he was becoming; it was just another infuriating point in a cursed day.

The silver trimmed teen absently wondered if Yazoo had intended to make him supper today as well…

But no! He was NOT going back there! It was aggravating just thinking of the people there.

Maybe if he never spoke to any of them again it would be more respectable to just live there…?

Absolutely not, the more resolute half of his brain told him. _They_ were going to have to come and find _him_. He would just have to 'slum it' so to speak, until they came.

Still, if he ever intended to go back…all he'd have to do is follow that last street three miles back and turn north…or was that west?

How could he not have noticed?

Oh well, he could see that the other way led in the direction he came and…no…he never went that way…

Kadaj snarled in irritation. He'd never been lost before in his life. He just wasn't supposed to get lost. But then he had never taken the time to learn any navigation skills before. Mother had always told him exactly where to go and what he needed to do. It was a desperately lonely feeling, not having mother's guidance…and not having his brothers either.

How could he get so lost?

-

Yazoo accepted the food from the delivery boy of the expensive catering service and brought it into the dinning room, where the table was already set.

"Nii-san! Loz! Dinner's here!" His musical voice called at just the right tone he knew could be heard.

After Kadaj's hasty removal, Sephiroth had shut his door and bolted it purposefully. Later however, Yazoo had heard he open it again and knew that Sephiroth was listening for the vagrant teen's return. He had been listening now and then himself, after it had begun to darken outdoors and he had taken steps to order dinner. Yazoo had actually considered making his little brother more consolation meals but if he wasn't even going to be there, the beautiful remnant wasn't about to go to all that work and risk having it all go to just Sephiroth and Loz. His oldest brother was a culinary stoic and his older brother was not particular enough. Simply not satisfying.

Usually Loz responded first to this particular summon and on a good day Sephiroth would materialize in his own good sweet time (but often he would have to be prodded out of his office by Yazoo). At this moment however, the silver demigod was the soonest to appear and he strode around the table which Yazoo was just finishing preparing.

"Kadaj isn't back yet." He asked in monotone.

Yazoo was far from surprised by the question; in fact, Yazoo was hardly ever surprised by anything. He wasn't exactly sure if it was a question or a statement but he decided to answer it anyway. "No, not yet."

"Where is he?" Loz showed up in pretty good time. He had managed to miss the entire scene from earlier. It was probably a good thing, considering his dislike for domestic conflict.

"We don't know." Yazoo answered, as there was no way Sephiroth would explain. Come to think of it, Sephiroth never explained anything, but that was beside the point.

"But it's dark out." Loz protested.

"I'm glad you noticed."

"Don't be mean, Yaz. I want to know where he is!"

"I said we don't know." Yazoo put Kadaj's unneeded plate back in the cupboard, closing the cupboard door with slightly more force than necessary. "Now sit down and eat or you'll see what 'mean' is."

Loz gaped a bit, wondering why Yazoo was so much crueler than usual, but he sat down anyway. One of the most important things he had learned in his life was never to question any of his brothers' moods. Why was he the only stable one?

Dinner was a very quiet affair. Once Loz had ventured to speak, but Yazoo had glanced over him with so much cold passivity that he did not make another attempt and remained silent and disheartened. Sephiroth was vibrantly emanating fiery waves of energy but for all the noise he made, he might as well not have been existent at all.

At the end of twenty minutes there was a ridiculous amount of leftovers to put away. Yazoo barely counted as a whole human when he ate, Sephiroth tasted his food and then absently got up and walked away back to his office as though he had forgotten what on Gaia the process of ingestion was all about. And Loz had even eaten less then usual, unsettled when the other two sauntered away from the table leaving him alone there.

For two hours after dinner, the night continued much as usual. Sephiroth was working like mad, Yazoo exercised his keyboard writing up God knew what and Loz flipped cannels randomly.

After two hours of this not even Yazoo's mood could stop the inevitable.

"It's late." Loz pouted.

"I'm well aware."

"Kadaj isn't back yet."

"Surprisingly enough, I was able to comprehend that fact a long time ago."

"It's dark."

"You're the only one here, afraid of the dark."

"What if something happened to him?"

With that, Yazoo rose swiftly and decisively from his straight backed chair and gave his brother one of his 'looks'. Loz cringed slightly but to his surprised Yazoo walked right past him and swept into Sephiroth's office.

"Nii-san." He crossed his arms over his chest and took a stance decidedly more aggressive then customary. "I'm worried about Kadaj and Loz's sniffling is driving me crazy."

Sephiroth flipped his lovely pen a few times and threw it into the ceiling where it became imbedded four inches deep and stuck there.

"What do you want me to do about it?" The ex-general growled.

"Why don't you call him or something?"

"You do it."

The long haired remnant flipped his phone open on the spot and selected Kadaj's number, holding the phone to his ear with some guise of patience. The next instant a catchy ring tone sounded from somewhere in the house. Sephiroth quirked an eyebrow in extreme displeasure and exited the room in search and destroy mode.

Nothing lasts long against Sephiroth in this state of mind and Kadaj's badly misused backpack was ransacked for the device, which had miraculously survived the youth's ill treatment earlier. It didn't survive the ex-general however and after the caller ID was confirmed a sad little crunch was heard and the phone's charmed existence had ended. Cell phone abuse seems to be genetic.

Loz began sniffling more, realizing the unfortunate turn of events.

Yazoo tried to ignore him and began pacing, albeit gracefully. "Now, what do we do?" His question was obviously directed toward the older of his two brothers.

"You know him better then I do." Sephiroth frowned. "Where do you think he would go?"

Yazoo drummed his fingers on his crossed arms. "I don't know, Nii-san. He's unpredictable."

"Well, what was he upset about?" Sephiroth paced the other side of the room.

"I wasn't really paying attention today but he seemed upset over something at school, I think." Yazoo chocked his head to the side, trying to remember anything that could be useful.

"What's at school that could upset him so much?" Sephiroth demanded, as though the simple fact that the other two were younger would make them capable of knowing what they all had equal inexperience with.

Loz however watch the most TV and could offer something similar to experience. "The other kids? They can bully people and stuff."

"That's doesn't seem likely." Sephiroth shook his head. "Kadaj is small but he's more then assertive."

Yazoo on the other hand, read the news. He stiffened abruptly at a thought and clenched his fists. "What if the teachers did something?"

Again Sephiroth shook his head. "I don't believe he'd be intimidated by teachers either."

Yazoo let out an almost Kadaj-like huff. "Now I'm very worried. He can't even call us now if something is really wrong."

"And he doesn't have Souba either." Loz commented. "He seems so much littler when he isn't threatening to kill you with that…"

"You would know." Yazoo commented dryly.

Sephiroth's eyebrow twitched in a familiar fashion and Yazoo did not fail to notice. "It's not your fault Nii-san. You were just trying to keep him from getting angry and thoughtlessly murdering someone. He is impulsive that way."

The very, very long haired man sighed moodily. "I would have been better then someone else killing him instead…"

"Oh great, now you made Loz cry." Yazoo stood with his hip to the side and his arms over his chest frowning at his short haired brother.

The ex-general ignored them both for the space of a few minutes while considering the courses of action at hand and weighting them each separately.

"You can stop whimpering." Sephiroth decided after thoughtfully running a hand through his hair. "We are going to have to find Kadaj immediately."

"Good." Yazoo nodded.

"And _then_ I'll be able to think of a suitable punishment for him running away like this."

Yazoo looked at his older brother with displeasure realizing the true course of Sephiroth's extended thoughts. "You've been thinking about that all this time? …and you _still_ haven't come up with any good ideas?"

"You two are so mean." Loz commented, feeling for his overly emotional brother. "Hey, what if Kadaj doesn't want to come back?"

"We'll drag him back, kicking and screaming if necessary." Sephiroth answered smoothly. "God knows he does that enough already…" He muttered, whisking into his office to collect his coat and probably various well cared-for weapons.

-

It was easy to conclude that Kadaj was in the city. They all knew that the teen hated spaces which were too open and so there was no purpose in checking the countryside.

"Which way do you think Kadaj would go?" Sephiroth demanded of the unwillingly elected resident 'Kadaj expert'.

"I'm guessing…" Yazoo hesitated, absently fingering the gun in his holster. "...that way. It's darker and more convoluted."

"That sounds reasonable." Sephiroth lead them down the indicated street.

"I don't get it." Loz protested following behind. "Why does it make sense that he'd want to go down the darkest, creepiest ally?"

"You never 'get' anything." Yazoo said informatively.

"I _could_ if you'd ever tell me anything."

"Just because I tell you, doesn't mean you'll understand."

"Nii-san," Loz addressed his plea to the swaying silver locks before him. "Will you tell me? Then I'll prove to Yazoo that I can figure it out."

Sephiroth open his mouth as though to speak, then paused. "Yazoo, you tell him."

The slender remnant furrowed his brow and prepared to give a well rounded explanation, something so clear, short and simple that even Loz would soon be satisfied. He began,

"Well, Kadaj always likes dark, mysterious places. And since he was in a bad mood when he left he would probably be even more drawn to them." Yazoo smiled thinking that was a very good explanation and had only taken about three seconds to put forth.

"That still doesn't make sense. Why would he want to be somewhere creepy when he's in a bad mood?"

Yazoo frowned. He was going to have converse with his brother for more then a three second period. "_Because_, his mind is dark and disorganized and this place reflects that."

"But if he's unhappy because his mind is dark and disorganized, wouldn't being here in a place like this, just make him feel worse?"

Yazoo had to admit to the logic of that statement. "Yes, it would."

"Then why did he come here?"

"To make himself feel better."

"That doesn't make sense!"

"I told you wouldn't understand!" Yazoo huffed and flipped his hair.

"You just said that Kadaj came here to feel better, because it would make him feel worse." Loz stood his ground.

"Nii-san, my head hurts." Yazoo held a thin hand to his own forehead. "Maybe Kadaj isn't here at all."

-

Kadaj's thin shoulders slumped. He was hungry, he was really, really hungry. And he was tired and he was cold and he was bored and he was lost and he was just plain upset.

All of these conditions worked wonderfully at making him feel irritable and dejected. He didn't even have the pleasure of being angry anymore. He had been wandering alone so long that the familiar emotion had finally leaked away, perhaps supplanted by the myriad of more painful sensations.

One of the worst things to happen was that he had actually begun to reason back and forth with himself, wondering if maybe his brothers hadn't done anything all that bad. He had after all, purposely irritated Nii-san while he was working and he knew the man hated that. Kadaj couldn't really blame him for working so hard, he made a whole lot of money at it…and then he had dented the wall…

Yazoo didn't really have any excuse. But he was always that way and Kadaj had come in the door planning disturb him as much as possible. Yazoo had also made him so much wonderful food to day… Kadaj lingered on the thought. He had to suppress a whimper at the hunger pangs it produced.

Loz wasn't even there but he usually tried to be nice to Kadaj about everything.

This was terrible. He couldn't even go back if he wanted to and if he wanted to, he still didn't know if he would. One thing was certain though; he wanted to at least know _how_ to. 'Lost' was not in his comfort zone. He thought of asking some of the persons decorating (or rather deteriorating) the slums here but whenever he seriously fixed on one person for consideration, the humiliation of admitting that he was lost and the idea of stooping to communicate with what he liked to call 'creatures' overwhelmed him and he decided to try and find his own way out for a while longer.

In his attempts to get farther from the slums, he invariably seemed to only get drawn deeper into them. Kadaj wondered if they were designed that way purposefully, it seemed unlikely that such a divisive maze as these slums could arise by coincidence.

More and more frequently he was being besieged by hookers who seemed to come out of nowhere and a few strangely dressed men who accompanied the hookers and complimented his looks. Muggers were not uncommon but Kadaj's Death Glare was widely successful at keep them at a comfortable distance.

The teen simply scowled and determined in himself that if he kept walking in a straight line, he would eventually have to hit the edge of the city or a more respectable district. And so he kept on walking.

"Heyya, sweet thing."

Kadaj stopped so quickly that his hair swung from the inertia, his eyes widened and narrowed dangerously. That was one of Yazoo's horribly annoying nicknames of him and damned if he didn't hate it when his brother used it, but it was one of _Yazoo's_ horrible annoying nicknames and for some reason he was feeling extremely defensive of it right now. It reminded him of his brothers and he _missed_ them!

That made him very irritable indeed and he swung around hair flying, eyes blazing, with a snarl in his voice. "Were. _you_. Talking. To. _Me_?"

Kadaj was somewhat annoyed that his chain laced opponent didn't seem as intimidated as he should have been. Was he losing his touch?

The other's eyes narrowed as well. "Looks like _you_ wandered onto _my_ turf." For some reason the man looked pleased at Kadaj's misdemeanor. "You know what the penalty for being caught outside your domain is, don't ya?" Now the chain laced man was stepping closer and bore an expression much like leering.

"I'll _wander_ wherever I please." Kadaj couldn't help feeling that the other man knew something he didn't, his flashing cat eyes weren't having the customary effect and it was trying he patience.

In any case, the man was obviously moving toward him with some sort of violent intent and the thrill of combat was flooding Kadaj. He hadn't fought with anyone since his blonde brother and he had forgotten the little bit of a rush it gave. A smirk fixed itself on his lips and he instinctively reached for…Souba?

Kadaj's heart sank as his hand grasped thin air. Somehow he had slipped so far back into his mind that he forgot about being disarmed. It wasn't that he felt that he felt completely helpless without it, quite the contrary, but the sudden surprised realization of a weakness unsettled him and he might not have been able to keep that out of his face.

"Loose something, Sweetie?" The other man was reveling in the knowledge of his physical superiority to the young remnant and now had the confident smirk for himself.

Kadaj glared at the other in frustration. Without his sword if he wanted to fight, he would have to actually touch the 'creature' and that would only make him dirty. Merely walking in this ally already ruffled his delicate sense of hygiene.

The teen remnant made a 'teh' sound and turned to walk away, deciding not to bother any more with the unclean ally dweller. At least big brother had taken baths often, he actually smelled pretty good, like vanilla and…

Kadaj felt a sudden movement behind him and by a split-second evasion narrowly missed the capturing hand intended for his arm. He glared and stepped away quickly, knowing that he was faster then the other. But he didn't get more then a few paces before hearing a sharp whistle which produced another individual like the first. The new arrival looked blankly at the two of them for a second, until recognition dawned on his face and he yelled to someone to his left before blocking Kadaj's intended escape route. Within moments there were two more, then three more helming the teen in and obediently watching their leader.

Kadaj turned back to the obvious organizer and yell at him. "Leave me alone!" It didn't sound as threatening as he had wanted but he just couldn't think of anything else to say.

The gang's leader shrugged. "If you go looking for trouble, you have to expect to find it."

But he wasn't looking for trouble, damnit! Kadaj didn't speak but only concentrated instead on looking tough and mildly succeeding. The Chain Laced signaled to a couple peons who advanced on Kadaj from either side, trying to immobilize him. To everyone's surprise Kadaj overpowered both of them, shoving them off in disgust; but only after receiving a heavy hit to his face. His victory was short lived though and Kadaj felt himself becoming more and more hemmed in, making his heart pound in his slight chest.

He wished that he was home right now in bed, asleep and peaceful. Or maybe snuggled on the couch listening to the constant, even typing of Yazoo's computer or even Loz's bothersome snoring, contentedly aware that his Nii-san was just down the hall. Kadaj shook his head in dismay; he was so weak without his brothers.

"Nii-san!!"

-

"_Hush!_" Sephiroth stopped dead in his tracks and signaled for the two irritating ramnants to be silent. It could literally be seen that his senses were alert and focused by the rigidity of his body and distant eyes.

Yazoo watched the man with eyes narrowed and his ears perked, he couldn't hear anything abnormal and he knew that his hearing was superhuman. Loz listened as well and shrugged to him, but froze when Sephiroth gave him a warning glare for the creaking of leather this caused. If there older brother heard something they didn't, he would have to be nothing short of supernatural. But that was already established.

Sephiroth's eyes flicked wide open before narrowing again. "Come."

The duo wordlessly obeyed, nearly flying past the next six blocks to their destination. And there they stopped.

There was the street gang. Complete with all the expected sleazy clothes, chin studs and pornographic tattoos. The most important thing about the gang however, was the object of its collective attention, which from Sephiroth's considerably superior height, he could just make out as his little brother.

In the next few minutes the legendary Demon of Wutai resurfaced, with the pale gleam of metal and a vibrant Mako green. Needless to say, those present were quite fortunate that the Nii-san was in too much of a hurry to kill anyone slowly. (For Sephiroth was clearly versed in other methods of dispatchment, which he wouldn't have minded employing.)

When everything was 'taken care of', Kadaj was uncovered in the center of the blood bath; his arms still up defensively around his face. Slowly, he lowered the shied and peered around gazing at the bloodied carnage surrounding him. At the edge of which, a warrior angel stood, formidable, judging, eyes darkened with blood lust, slender weapon streaming in the penalty of his judgment.

"Nii-san!" Kadaj sprinted, barely rounding the crimson edged Masamune and lunched himself into the fell angel's arms. "Nii-san, I love you!" The teen had his arms thrown around his older brother's neck and tried to squeeze the life out of him. Sephiroth wasn't so easily killed however and merely held him in place.

Soon the other two were crowding around with concerned questions and Sephiroth had to firmly place the clinging teen back down on the ground to examine him.

"Are you okay, Kadaj?"

"Did they hurt you?!"

Sephiroth shushed them and took a long look at the remnant who was still clutch his arms in a half hug. Kadaj shook his head in reply; though tears were streaming down his face. He was thankfully intact and completely unharmed except for the bruise on his cheek. Once Sephiroth declared that wasn't too fragile to touch, Yazoo petted his hair while Loz cuddled him.

After a few minutes of this Yazoo looked around him and frowned. "But Nii-san, you didn't leave any for me." He complained.

"I'm sorry I didn't think of it at the time." Sephiroth allowed Kadaj to adhere to his chest again.

"Aw, you've got a bruise, Kadaj." Loz noticed. Then he roughly kicked the nearest body.

"I wanna go home." Kadaj demanded, slightly muffled in Sephiroth's coat.

"Of course. We're going back now." Sephiroth wrapped an arm around the remnant and tried to turn him around so that he could walk.

"Do I still have to go to school?" Kadaj made his eyes wide and puppy-dogish.

The ex-general hesitated. "I don't think we should talk about that now."

"You can't just go endangering your life to get out of school." Yazoo scolded.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Kadaj clung to his Nii-san's side.

"I know." Sephiroth slowly rubbed the boy's shoulder. "But I promise that I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me. Okay?"

"Okay… I'm really tired, Nii-san." Kadaj's eyes drooped and he yawned.

Sephiroth considered for a minute. "Alright. It's a long way back." He picked up the sleepy remnant and made him comfortable in his arms. The silver haired teen wrapped his arms around his older brother's neck and with his head resting on his Nii-san's shoulder and fell quietly asleep.

Walking softly, Sephiroth glanced back. "Loz, Yazoo, keep up!"

"Yes, Nii-san!" They said in unison, leaving the carnage behind.

Sephiroth glanced down at the usually angry, irritating, angst-filled teen now snuggling and wearing a peaceful little smile. He couldn't help but smirk slightly in return; at least, he tried to keep it a smirk and nothing closer to a 'smile'. Well, it was a good thing no one could see him or hear a small chuckle coming from deep in his throat.

Kadaj certainly could get into a lot of trouble. Sephiroth could only imagine what tomorrow would bring.

……………………….

Okay that sucked out loud. But read on dear friend! There must be a light somewhere at the end of that damn tunnel...


	3. Dear, Counselor

**I'm so, so sorry! –pounds fist into desk- I know lots of people blame real life when they don't update… but screw that, I know I don't have a life. There's no pretending. The truth is, I was fending for the life of myself and my family against a hoard of blood-chillingly evil sexy Vampires ...yeah, I was watching TV.**

**Special thanks go to Glaurung II. Who gave needful prodding and advice:)**

**Warning: Description of morbid violence. …surprised myself with that one. And Kadaj being a manipulative bastard.**

**Disclaimer: Soon I'll be changing the name of 'Square Enix' to 'Last Trojan Enix' in order to emphasize the fact that I own it and I'm making LOTS of money off this fic! That way I won't have to put up anymore of these annoying '**_**disclaimers'**_**. Yay:D**

……………………………….

Dear, Counselor

"Wake up." Sephiroth shook the remnant in his arms. He frowned slightly at the disturbingly angelic expression on the little demons face. There was something so wrong about that.

"Umph…tired…" Said demon refused to so much as open his pretty green eyes --from his mother's side of course--.

"I guess that means you don't want any supper…" Sephiroth remarked, turning away from the kitchen.

"What?! Where?" Kadaj's head jerked up, smacking his older brother's heretofore unmarked face in the process. "I _need_ food. Let me down." The hunger driven teen squirmed.

Sephiroth was more than happy to release him; quite over anxious actually. There was a slight yelp heard before those famed reflexes kicked in and preserved the youth from any sort of injury that wouldn't have allowed him to reach the kitchen in the shortest amount of time possible.

With a small cry of victory and the underfed remnant pounced on some neatly wrapped leftovers and settled on a chair at the kitchen table.

Loz watched in awe, looking the tiniest bit jealous actually. "Wow, Kadaj. I didn't know you could eat that fast. I'm impressed."

If Kadaj recognized anything his brother had said, he didn't let on. There were so many more important things in life. The foremost of which had a distinct taste of garlic and basil…

"Careful Kadaj…" Yazoo had quickly divested himself of any apparent concern for the silver youth and immediately put his able talents to the use of snarking. "…if you keep eating so much, you may grow or something."

Unfortunately, Kadaj didn't have the opportunity to unleash the bloody mayhem Yazoo so well deserved as he had to focus on the miracle of spiced salmon before him. Once he had violently chewed a few bites however, he found time to pose a question:

"Why doesn't your food taste this good Yazoo?" He cocked his head to the side in 'curiosity'. The incendiary teen was able to realize almost immediately, and with some disappointment, that it wasn't Yaz's cooking. While it was good, especially considering his famished state, he recognized the standardized ingredients and cooking. Definitely the work of a caterer.

"It isn't made with love, Kadaj." Yazoo explained. "No Love."

"The spices are so evenly and balanced!" The little brother exclaimed, quoting one of Loz's cooking shows. "It's absolutely mouth watering!"

"Also, the absence of poison may make it seem to taste better." Yazoo added.

The oldest remnant blanched. "W-what?" Loz clutched his stomach as intense psychosomatic pain spread through his entire well defined abdomen.

"The flavor is very light." Yazoo smirked, informing his older sibling. "But I've found a way to lace even the soy sauce with an undetectable edge of deadly toxins."

The pain began to spread though Loz's arms and legs as his expression changed into that of horror.

"I can apply it to just about anything." The long haired remnant continued. "So not even the food we order-out has to go completely untainted."

Loz felt a terrible constricting in his throat and breathing became difficult. He watched in bewilderment while Kadaj happily ate the poisonous food, unconcerned for his life.

"I've never tasted salmon like this in my life!" Kadaj continued praising the work of their caterer, blissfully moaning at certain moments.

"Why would you do that?!" Loz became teary eyed and greenish colored, wondering whether it was worth risking his life to take Kadaj's food away from him. He'd thank him later right?

Yazoo absently wondered if it were possible to physically harm someone through hypochondria.

Kadaj swallowed a 'tender, juicy, exquisitely spiced, mind-blowingly delicious' bite of salmon before finding it in himself to explain. "Because Loz, he's an ornery bitc—"

"Shhh!" Yazoo quickly shushed him. "You shouldn't be using language like that, Daj! Not until you're at least a few years older."

Kadaj picked up a knife, whose original purpose had been cutting meat and took careful aim. In a way, it would still be fulfilling its original purpose, Kadaj mused.

"Hey! Stop it or I'm telling Nii-san!" The crawling and tingling sensations which had been plaguing Loz lessened while he watched the fight begin. But as soon as the projectile entered the air he made good on his threat and went looking for the oldest would-be-destroyer-of-the-universe. He found him in the living room and tried tip-toeing in --it's the thought that counts.

Sephiroth had gotten straight to work with the cleaning on his sword. He polished the bright steel in an apologetic way, sorry that the artful creation had to be so contaminated. Like all exceptionally well crafted weapons, Masamune had a mind of its own and its own preferences; it was only content when being sunk into a blonde's shoulder, or better yet, a delicious blonde's stomach…

"Nii-san?" Loz interrupted the communion of the two familiar spirits.

"Hmm." Sephiroth never ceased his polishing. After all, swords didn't stay that shiny by themselves.

"Kadaj and Yazoo are fighting again."

"Has there been any collateral damage yet?"

_So bright, so beautiful…_

"You mean like broken stuff?" Contrary to the understandably popular opinion; Loz could comprehend four syllable words. He peaked around that corner to see that Yazoo had caught the knife by the blade between to artistic fingers and the two where now throwing it back and forth; a sort of variation on the game of catch.

"Not yet." The overly-hair-gelled remnant reported.

"Hmm, but I suppose it's time anyway." Sephiroth rose, musing to himself. Of course he wouldn't talk to anyone else when there was so much better company to be had.

He strolled into the kitchen and snatched the siblings' deadly flying utensil out of the air before the innocent dishes and the cupboard doors found themselves in mortal peril.

"Kadaj." He began by seating himself gracefully. "I believe it is time you tell us about school today."

"B-but I'm not done eating yet!" The silver trimmed youth gave whining one more try. It was worth it.

Sephiroth eyed his empty plate.

"I don't sleep well without desert." Kadaj explained.

"Ah." The ex-general took one look at the untouched triple layered chocolate cake and lifted it out of the teen's reach, twirling it easily on one finger. "This will be held in ransom until the story it finished." He informed the remnant coolly.

"What?! Haven't I suffered enough today?" Whining was worth at least two more tries.

"Teh! You know nothing of suffering." Sephiroth scoffed. "Try being disembodied in the Lifestream, God knows how many times."

"I know nothing?" Kadaj kicked the table leg irritably. "Try being incomplete your whole life and driven mad by an insane power-fetishist brother." The other still looked surprisingly unimpressed and Kadaj continued. "Do you know how many times I had to sleep in the same room with Loz and Yazoo?!"

Sephiroth's lip curled slightly. "You think you have it bad?" He growled as the countertops began to vibrate from fear. "Try being raised by Hojo."

"Hn." Kadaj let out a small huff and sat back in his chair. Nii-san really had him there.

"At least Mother treated you well..."

"Now, now." Yazoo patted them both on the shoulder condescendingly. "The sooner this story gets told the sooner _you_ can have your cake back and the sooner you Nii-san, can get back to more important things."

Sephiroth gave Yazoo the look which reminded him of usual penalty for touching him: on-the-spot amputation. But somehow the middle remnant remained unconcerned.

"Start from when you got to school." Yazoo prompted.

With an extra expression of hatred and a huff of dissatisfaction, Kadaj began.

--

Chills ran up Kadaj's spine as he approached the dark, gothic looking complex. Near him birds twittered in their trees, careless of the unholy fate set out for those other, less fortunate inhabitants of Gaia. And of the screams emanating from within.

Behind the closed gates, Kadaj could see the lurking shadows of satanic educators, waiting for the newest prey to enter their foreboding lair…and never return again. Their fingers no doubt itched for such an attractive victim to spread out on their demon worshiping alters…

--

"Kadaj, please. Cut the crap." Yazoo demanded in a bored voice.

"Okay, okay, Geez…"

--

Kadaj walked into the plain, intensely boring looking school building, strutting as he did so.

This was a new place which he would have to take dominion over, just as he had planned to do to Gaia (with sadly limited success, he had to admit). This however, was a completely new scenario and one with many more possibilities, he encouraged himself. He _could_ take control of the school.

Kadaj had the vague idea that he should go to the 'orientation' desk where a friendly looking middle-aged woman sat. Her brown hair was mildly frightening in it's poofiness but it wasn't quite enough to scare high schoolers off. In a middle school it might have been a different story…

"Yes? And what's your name Deary?" She smiled benevolently (not that Kadaj believed her façade).

"Kadaj Jenova." The silver youth responded.

"Okay, here we are then." She typed into the computer. "I'll get your schedule printed up in a second. I'm sorry you can't choose your schedule this year but last year we had so many problems with getting the number of students somewhat balanced that we just had to make them out ahead of time. It can get so confusing with the students wanting to switch classes all the time so that they can be with their friends. I understand though. When I was younger, I remember being so devastated to learn that I couldn't be in the same class with my girlfriend. But then again, I understand the school board's decision too. They have to do what is most efficient, that's what Mr. King is always trying to impress upon me: Efficiency. And oh I know he's right. Do you want a cookie while that print's?"

Kadaj shook his head. He had fought valiantly to keep his mind from lapsing into a state of preverbal catatonia but he still didn't trust himself to speak. Mostly he just stared at the hair in wonder. How did it get that big?

The desk lady didn't seem to mind staring. "Are you sure you don't want any. My sister makes them. Well, these aren't the ones made by my sister but they taste just like them. It's all in the about of molasses you use and the ginger. My sister uses much more ginger than the recipe calls for and that's what makes them so delicious.

"You really should try some. I know I shouldn't though. I should be watching my weight, or so my doctor says and my mother-in-law. But they're just so tempting! And I don't eat large amounts, just a little taste now and then. But of course you don't have to worry about things like that. You're so young and thin. My, but you're very, very thin! You really must have a cookie, I insist."

Apparently the desk lady didn't mind the growing snarl on the teen's lips or the look saying 'I want to decorate this counter with you brains'. She offered the box of cookies again with good natured insistence, completely forgetting the long ago printed schedule.

"The print has finished, Mary!" An assistant girl called from across the room, unknowingly saving her older coworker from one of the most gruesome deaths imaginable.

"Oh-oh it is! Thank you, Janie. These new printers are so fast! Here you go, Honey." She handed that paper over. "And so pretty too! Not that long ago, all printers where black and white. I don't really think we need all these colors but— Oh, I guess he was in a hurry to get somewhere, Jane. It is the first day of school and he probably wanted to get oriented. This is a big school and it takes a while to—"

…

Kadaj felt it was now safe to let go of the grip on his head without having it fall off completely and slowly lowered his arm. He noticed himself getting a number of strange looks from the other disorderly inhabitants of the halls. But a sadistic smirk was usually enough to make his audience produce tiny 'eep!'s and turn away. That was satisfying in itself.

Glancing down at the decree of the school board, he saw that his first class was English and that it was held in room 212. It was during this class that he learned the general laws of the schoolroom.

The idea seemed to be to whisper with your classmates quiet enough to be dismissed but just loud enough to be irritating to the teacher. Also, when asked anything, one was to give the vaguest answer possible and when asked to read it was essential to speak in the least intelligible voice that could be managed. Kadaj caught onto these key principles quickly.

"Okay!" The strangely cheerful English teacher chirped. "Let's see. Today I want to introduce a new student! Please come up here Kadaj…" She beckoned. "…and tell us a bit about yourself!" Kadaj suspected pot addiction.

Said youth got up as called, easily converting the center isle into his own personal runway en route to the front of the class. And feeling vaguely satisfied that there were so many eyes locked directly on -some part of- him.

"So! You just moved here to Midgar a few months ago, Kadaj!" Mrs. Brady began. "Tell us something about your family and your life before!"

Kadaj considered his options. He could do as Nii-san said and invent some sort of story, or he could not do as Nii-san said.

Option B is was.

Kadaj locked eyes with the room, slowly shifting his gaze from person to person as his captivated spectators did their best to appear disinterested. Oh yeah, he could see through that.

"My early life wouldn't make sense to any of you. I wasn't conceived or born by normal human (his lip curled) methods."

At the mention of 'conceived' some of the boys looked up in interest 'cause that totally had kinky sexual implications. In contrast, the girls' eyes dilated. _Oh god_, what if there were ways to get pregnant that they didn't know about? What if there was something they didn't know and should be avoiding? Oh god.

"I have two brothers, created before me. They were unfortunate but necessary steps on the road toward perfection. The first had all of the strength he was designed for but no grace or intelligence and the second had _serious_ personality flaws and no leadership capabilities." Kadaj slowly paced the front of the class, wrapping the collective attention of the room around his words and motions.

"At last however! As the scientists where just about to give up…I was created." He added one very well-timed shift of the hips. "Due to a vastly superior genetic structure, I matured at five times the rate of a human and as soon as I was able, I lead my brothers to destroy the lab where we had been raised and to bathe in the blood of our weak creators." His eyes narrowed to sparkling slits as tiny gasps scattered throughout the room. "With our captors dead and our freedom before us, I realized our true purpose…"

What was the purpose again? To hurry up, worship Mother and die? Okay, that plan had hit a couple of glitches in the past. Oh shit.

Kadaj paused dramatically. While searching for his new and grandiose goal, he made sure to walk the floor for distraction, twisting and turning to make sure every perfect angle of him was available for view. "…carnage was strewn in our path. Destruction followed in our wake. Fear clouded the eyes of our victims before their last breathes were choked in blood…"

Think, Kadaj! What the hell were kids into these days?

He tried to remember snatches of things he'd seen on television and wondered why Loz bothered watching MTV… That was it.

The leather clad remnant flipped around and faced the room directly. He stilled suddenly, body straight, arms upward, torso elongated. "They died so that I could become…" A seductive smirk just for good measure. "…the most powerful rock star in Gaia."

Okay, that was just weak. Kadaj swore at himself for not being able to think up anything better. But he couldn't let his doubt show. It was all about confidence he reminded himself and waited through the few seconds of stunned silence before the whistles and cheering and appreciative comments started.

Yes! This really did work on groups other then seven year olds.

Kadaj nodded and strutted in response to the applause. …actually this crowd might have been a little easier than the seven year olds… But it didn't matter. It was just nice to know there was something he was still good at.

If fact if he wanted to, the rock star bit might work out well enough too; he already had a room full of devoted fans. The only dissident being poor Mrs. Brady, who had the strangest expression on her face…

**Later in the counselor's office.**

Ms. Peel took off her reading glasses as Kadaj flopped into the very comfy chair in front her desk.

"Hello Kadaj, are you comfortable?"

"Mm-hmm." Kadaj nodded broodily like a good teenager should. "What do you want Mrs. Peel?"

_Ms_. Peel cleared here throat. "You may call me Alice if you like."

Kadaj tucked one leg under the opposite knee with his shoe on the cushy chair. Ms. Peel, aka. 'Alice' didn't comment.

"Mrs. Brady thought it would be a good idea if you talked to me, Kadaj. She said that you were telling some disturbing stories in class. Is that true?"

Kadaj reevaluated _Alice_. She had a tiny crease in her forehead and pictures of cats and bunny rabbits on her walls. He recognized her type; the kind who were scared of loud noises and kept there alarm systems on every hour of the day and night. Yes, Kadaj knew her kind well. Why didn't anyone tell him school could be so much _fun_? He should have tried it a long time ago.

"I was just telling them about…" His voice darkened and he looked out from behind fine bangs. "…my childhood."

"Would you like to tell me something about you childhood, Kadaj?" Alice laced her fingers on the desk and leaned forward with a subtle look of interest and concern.

Kadaj almost grimaced at the overuse of him name, but at least it sounded good. Not like 'Sephiroth' of some other freaky word…

"It was great!" He broke into a rare grin, composed of pure evil. "My mom was a wonderful…individual!"

The conscientious Ms. Alice seemed to be missing the evil look, for now. "But your mother is gone now?" She asked delicately.

"Yeah." Kadaj looked appropriately abashed. That was one way to put it.

"But you have two brothers whom you live with?" She glanced at the folder under her nose.

Either Ms. Peel really couldn't read without her glasses or Sephiroth wasn't listed as his sibling. Kadaj felt like enlightening her. "Three." He clarified holding up the same number of fingers, just in case. You never did know how dense a person was.

"Oh yes, the oldest is also your guardian." She squinted at the file.

"Uh-huh. So they say." Kadaj glared at the wall and put his feet up on the other chair. Again the older lady refused to comment.

"Tell me Kadaj, how do you feel about your brothers?" Ms. Peel ignorantly opened the gates for the convenient invading and pillaging of the Gaul's

Kadaj began casting furtive glances around the room. "Which one?"

"Well how about the oldest one?" The experienced counselor hadn't failed to notice the teen's derision at the mention of Sephiroth's status as guardian.

Kadaj cast a glance behind his shoulder with a childishly fearful expression. "Do you mind if I lock the door?"

Oh Dear… Ms. Peel decided that she was most certainly dealing with another troubled youth; just last month she had had to walk little June Cartwright through her parents divorce. And right away here was another one.

She nodded sympathetically. "If it makes you feel better."

Kadaj got up and snapped the lock in place, smirking to the door. Alice was concerned for him already, perfect. He slowly sunk back into the chair letting his hair obscure most of his face.

"Does it bother you to talk about your brother, Kadaj?" Mrs. Alice asked with soft curiosity.

"No." Kadaj let a tiny smile creep into his face. "But, Ms. Alice?"

"Yes, Kadaj?"

"…is it wrong that I fantasize about killing him?"

Little warning bells went off in the counselors head; or maybe it would have been more accurate to say blaring warning sirens.

She cleared her throat twice and swallowed before answering, falling straight back to the book. "I don't think that makes you a bad person."

"Really?!" Kadaj beamed. "Does it make me a good person then?"

Ms. Alice Peel's laced fingers where a little less than relaxed as she dug up the appropriate answer from her years of professional training. "I think you are a good person. But just your thoughts aren't a clear picture of who you are. It doesn't mean that that way of thinking is healthy for you."

"But Descartes said 'I think therefore I am'." Kadaj proposed. Ha-ha, snooping through Yazoo's boring books was worth something after all! "So if I'm a good person then the thoughts I have, must be good thoughts. Right Ms. Peel?"

In the time it took the good counselor to hesitate, Kadaj slinked out of his seat to hover near the desk.

"S-sometimes even good people get impulses w-which…" Counselor Alice twisted her glasses frames dangerously hard. "…which it wouldn't be right to carry out." She explained.

"But it _feels_ good." Kadaj rested his hands on the desk and leaned forward; he locked eyes and stared down, trapping his sadly disturbed counselor. "I can imagine every little detail." The evil delinquent cooed with relish, preparing for a classically florid description. "It would use a blade that was perfectly sharp and smooth; it could cut through his skin like water. I can even feel the little bit of resistance against the pressure when I slice deeper."

Kadaj licked his lips in appreciation at the same time as his poor counselor's glasses snapped. He ignored her to continue the narrative which he was actually getting quite wrapped up in. "The incision would be small and clean so it would take forever for him to bleed out. I suppose I would have to twist the knife just a little. And it would be terrible painful."

Seriously, when he thought about it, this wasn't a half bad idea. Sephiroth had been annoying lately and it's not like he would die or anything. He might have to try stabbing Nii-san a little if he could catch him off guard. Yeah, good luck with that one… Kadaj sighed to himself and went on.

"I can see the channels of blood pouring…" Kadaj paused, were people supposed to look like that? The sad confused Ms. Peel was blinking widely. And were his eyes playing tricks, or was she swaying back and forth? The silver youth shrugged it off and continued. He really hoped she didn't pass out yet because he hadn't even gotten to the punch line.

"Have you ever experienced the taste of flowing blood, Ms. Peel?"

**Later in the superintendent's office.**

Kadaj sat properly in his chair and waited for Mr. Superintendent to get off the phone. He seemed to be talking to the person now 'in care of' Ms. Peel.

"Tell Alice she can take her two weeks vacation now. No I insist. I don't want her here in that condition. Well, maybe she shouldn't be driving yet… Have her rest on the couch in the break room for a little while and give her some aspirin. Maybe it's stress… Don't leave her alone with any sharp objects either. No. Better safe than sorry. Thank you."

Mr. Superintendent hung up and immediately scribbled something on a piece of paper with a heavy sigh. Kadaj looked around the room carefully, noting the name on his framed wall-hanging diplomas well. The other decorations of the empty space were pictures of dogs and what looked like a wife and kids.

This one, the remnant surmised, wasn't going to snap as easily and if he freaked him out, the man would probably just go the higher ups. Kadaj didn't really want take on the whole school board at this point, so it was time for a different strategy. Thankfully, versatility was a virtue, which meant that Kadaj certainly had to possess it.

"Mr. Jeffery Jefferson?" The remnant ventured.

Jefferson cleared his throat. "Just Jefferson will do."

Kadaj wondered if everyone around here was sensitive about their names and took note of this for future use. "What did I do Mr. Jefferson?" His eyes could actually get very wide when he wanted them to.

"Well I was hoping you could tell me, Kadaj." Jeff relaxed back in his chair in a practiced non-confrontational-yet-authoritative way. "No one was able to understand much of what Alice, em, Ms. Peel said, but Mrs. Brady told me that she sent you to see her for some rather disturbing, antisocial remarks…" Jefferson left the statement open-ended to see what the kid would say.

Kadaj furrowed his brow. "Is Ms. Peel going to be okay?" Concern. Concern. Concern.

"I don't know." Jefferson's eyebrows wrinkled, but not at Kadaj. "I've been worried about her…health for a while already, so I can't say I'm surprised. But I'm sure _something_ must have provoked this. What exactly did happen?"

"I don't know Sir." Kadaj shrugged helplessly. "She looked agitated from the time I walked in. Then she told me to tell her about my family and asked me about my brothers, and, and, then she started rubbing her forehead and snapped her glasses and screamed for me to get out."

"You can't think of anything that could have upset her?" Jefferson shook his head vaguely.

"No, Sir." Kadaj shrugged again, now in confusion and bewilderment. "I don't know."

"Don't worry about it." Jefferson waved it off, muttering something very quietly about 'shrinks'. "So how about in English class?"

"Oh yeah…" Kadaj twisted his hands and the side of his mouth quirked up self-consciously. "I-I kind of got carried away with that…"

"Yeah?" Jefferson prompted.

"Well, I was thinking about the Creative Writing project that I had planned while I was introducing myself. It was going to be a biography of my alternate self; about what I would be like if I had grown up in a whole different world and turned bad." He laughed nervously. "I guess I started telling the wrong story… I really hope I didn't scare Mrs. Brady too much." Kadaj wondered if he could lay it on any thicker without Jefferson starting to suspect.

"Huh, that actually sounds like a very interesting project." Jefferson remarked with slight surprise. It wasn't everyday that you found a kid who _worked_ at their schoolwork and invested themselves in it. Oh yes, he wasn't supposed to encourage the kids to allow themselves to have lapses from reality…oops.

"Thank you, Sir." Kadaj said sweetly. "I didn't mean to upset the teacher though…" He dusted off the puppy-dog eyes.

"Ah…don't worry about that too much… You know teachers and so jumpy these days. I don't know how many times we've had ruckuses over a stupid comment or something."

Wow. Kadaj did his best to keep his expression from becoming evil, even though he was definitely feeling vast amounts of purely malevolent delight.

This was just _too_ easy. The Ultimate Puppy Eyes of Doom only served to make Nii-san blink a coupled times before eventually deciding that, yes, he still did want to kill his youngest brother. But Jefferson on the other hand was buying every last bit. …come to think of it, he had heard something about all school employees being on the more perverted side of the spectrum. Now there was a theory to explore…

"Just try to keep your mind on what your doing next time, huh?" Jefferson admonished with a quiet smile.

"Yes, _Sir_." Kadaj cocked his head to the side and bit down on his lower lip innocently. "I don't know what came over me. Sometimes I get so focused on one thing that I forget exactly what's going on around me. It was such an interesting story…"

"Heh, sounds like a writer." Jefferson commented with a small laugh. "My sister was always like that. She'd get distracted and walk into the street without looking and stuff like that…completely oblivious."

"She didn't get hit by anything?" Kadaj made sure that his hair was brushing his neck like it should.

"Artists are lucky with everything except money." Superintendent dude smirked, then cleared his throat realizing it would be a completely remission of his duties not to say something classically inspirational now. "But talent like that is a wonderful thing to have, so don't waste it." That must be a quote from somewhere…

"Yes Sir." Kadaj resisted frowning. This guy was so not giving attention to his delicious waist.

Jefferson's duty to the Society of Euphemisms paid, he glanced at the clock. "It's almost noon. What do ya say you head to lunch and try to finish the rest of the day without getting into trouble?"

"I can try…" Kadaj smirked halfheartedly.

"Okay, good enough." The blatantly-impervious-to-suggestion Jefferson laughed and shooed him toward the door. "You can go now. Good luck with your writing."

"Thank you, Mr. Jefferson." The silvery youth nodded and left, now actually bemused for the first time today.

Outside Kadaj frowned deeply: all that time and the good superintendent hadn't make a single indecent overture to him. That ruled out blackmail and seduction as possible tools during his upcoming coup d'etat. With a resigned sigh, he determined to just overthrow the rest of the school and leave irritatingly decent persons such as this to their good citizenry…

…and was that disgusting smell coming from the cafeteria? Kadaj did an about-face and headed back to his locker where the precious and eatable lunch was stored.

Yes, he realized at times that there was a reason Yazoo had been born…em, created.

…

The rest of the day was so boring that he forgot what an amusing morning it had been. He got a satisfying amount of attention but in the end he did have to sit through the classes.

Yup, he just had to sit. He was going to kill himself. No, he was going to kill Sephiroth. Better yet, a murder-suicide; that would be very artistic…

Basically, it was getting very hard to keep his mind occupied. Then they shoved all these papers on him and said to do them at home. It seemed to be so that the teachers didn't have to sit around and watch you do it; they could have their own happy little lives somewhere else, content in the knowledge that their students where suffering. It all made sense looking at it that way.

Every so often, when moving from class to class people would try to socialize with him but thankfully most of them had good enough instincts not to cross that finite barrier into his space. A Death Glare and black leather worked way better than any 'do not touch me' sign could ever hope to; except of course, on the exceptionally dumb and the love sick (which happened to be the same thing). And Kadaj was just hated enough by fate to find one of the later.

He was squinting into the outside light, freshly escaped from the screeching halls and planning how to _never_ go back inside ever again, when he sensed someone staring. Not that staring wasn't a normal response, but this was a tiny bit different. He turned and unerringly found its source.

The cute girl stepped out of lurking and waved. "H-hi! I'm Sandy."

Kadaj frowned. Exactly how did that help him? He nodded and kept walking.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be staring like that."

This was strange. He was walking and Sandy wasn't getting any father away. Definitely a bad sign.

"It's just, you're new here and so am I! So we kind of have something in common, right?" Sandy gave a hopeful smile, to which she received another nod. That seemed encouragement enough. "Actually I've been here a week. So…if you like need anything…or…I kind of know my way around pretty well."

The remnant looked at her this time, wondering if that had actually been a statement, a question, or something of the like.

"I just want you to know I'd be happy to help or…hang out or…whatever!"

Kadaj looked at her more closely again wondering if it was a bad sign when humans turned all red like that.

"And, and…"

Kadaj was becoming more and more positive that shade couldn't be healthy.

"And, I love you!"

Definitely not healthy…for him at least.

There was a blurring of girl and ponytail and then the sky flipped directions and something hard hit his back witch he later recognized as concrete.

"And I hope you do become a rock star! I'll be your biggest fan!"

Sandy successfully latched onto the remnants neck, maintaining the glomp for as long as possible. Kadaj's first instinct was to throw her across the yard but Nii-san had told him long ago to never, ever hit a girl, unless of course she was in the way of finding Mother (in which case they could be slaughtered like everyone else). But this one wasn't really keeping him from Mother so he had to be carefully with it.

If only he could breathe…

"You're such a wonderful person. I can tell! The glaring and leather is just a self-defensive façade! Can we just please be friends?"

The ponytail was starting to tickle his nose and (he grimaced) get in his mouth. Also, there was way too much skin contact going on with his neck. He tried griping her arms gently to pry them off but she apparently took the contact as confirmation and held on tighter, happily oblivious. Apparently love sick _and_ dense as a post.

Gaia hated him.

"Okay, okay! We can be friends!" Kadaj growled in a manner so unfriendly even a desk-lamp should have understood. If he didn't get some oxygen supply soon there would be force involved in her removal, girl or no.

"Really?!" The cute girl finally let go in sheer surprise. She beamed; her hair flipping, still convinced of Kadaj's inner goodness. "That's great!"

"It's wonderful." Kadaj scrambled to his feet preparing for a hasty get away. He almost made it too, when she pounced and kissed him.

--

"That's what you're upset about?" Yazoo deadpanned. "A high school girl assaulted you."

Kadaj glared farther daggers. "You know I hate being touched."

The middle remnant turned to Sephiroth. "It really isn't safe for him there. The girls are brutal."

"You should try it some time." The younger snarled. "I can still smell her perfume on me. It's disgusting!"

"Ah, so that's where it came from." Yazoo nodded. "I thought you were just trying to make a statement."

Loz rubbed his chin thoughtfully, taking in all that had been said, or at least the important points. "Nii-san, can I go to school?"

Yazoo answered instead, already knowing that Sephiroth was in Ignore Mode. "Of course. You must go to protect Kadaj from the terrifying females there." Smirk-laugh.

Loz wholeheartedly agreed.

Kadaj suddenly began feeling the effects of all the day's and the night's exertion and completed the conversation with a small gesture of the hand.

"I believe this is yours." Sephiroth returned the hostage cake, snapping out to his Ignore Setting.

"Too tired to eat." The sad, bereft delinquent thunked his head on the table and went limp.

Yazoo poked him and the other didn't flinch. "I believe it's true. I guess Loz's gets the cake after all." Still no flinching from Kadaj. "My god, it really is true."

"He gonna be okay?" Loz leaned down for a better look at the inert Kadaj-like form.

"In about thirteen hours." Sephiroth surmised dryly. "Kadaj!"

The remnant looked up blearily. It seemed like Seph was yelling at him… Not that that would matter. Maybe he was yelling _for_ him… It could be time to kill something. …or something to do with Mother… Maybe it was time to find Mother… Or kill something for Mother… Or kill Mother? …

"Kadaj!"

Damn, it couldn't be that important! But he managed to make a sound anyway. It sounded like: "Huuh?" Articulate, yes.

"I'm not carrying you to bed."

Kadaj managed to pull up just enough energy to snarl. And fell asleep on the table.

……………………………………..

Hmm, I think I've had my say already. Just pleased don't kill me in any way that's painful!


End file.
